20 Things to Talk About on Dates With Girls

Ever find yourself wondering what to talk about on dates?

Sure, you probably know some of the basics, and you might even be able to get past small talk, but what then?

For most guys, the answer is NO. They go with the flow and perhaps occasionally hit some of the right topics by accident. But the “go with the flow” mentality won’t help you get consistent success on dates.

Do you know how to hit the right topics to progress the date, connect with her, and lay the groundwork for taking her home?

It’s better to take a more deliberate approach by first understanding which topics are the most powerful on your dates.

A good conversation topic does at least one of three things:

  1. Helps you connect with her (usually by revealing something about her)
  2. Pushes the date forward (escalates things, moves her someplace more intimate)
  3. Handles the logistics (resolve timeframes and any other issues related with things to come)

(Bonus points if the topic also shines a positive light on you, but remember: you should keep talking about yourself to a minimum.)

If you’re on a topic that doesn’t do one of these things, you should move on quickly. Otherwise, you risk the conversation stalling and the connection fading.

With this in mind, I’ll cover topics that fit into each of these three categories.

You’ll notice that many of these topics allow you to:

  • Screen her for potential relationship material (whether it be hook up, friends with benefits, or girlfriend)
  • Qualify her so that she feels like she’s winning you over little by little
  • Communicate with her on an emotional level (which is best for connecting with her)
  • Keep the conversation focused on her so she feels like you already know her well
  • And relate back to her with positive traits and stories about yourself

(Note: You shouldn’t try to cycle through all of these topics on your dates. Instead, deep dive on a few of them, and save the rest for future dates with the girl.)

Let’s cover the first set of topics – those that will help you connect with her.


These topics are best to use at the beginning of the date. They lay a foundation for trust and a strong connection, which makes it easier to push the date forward later on. You can also sprinkle them in later on in the date if needed.

1. Her Experiences

Her experiences have shaped her life. They make up her stories, influence her thought processes, and create her strongest memories.

So, when you get her to recall her positive and fun experiences, she’ll feel those positive and fun emotions during the conversation and associate them with you. Then you can relate back with some similar experiences and stories and make the conversation flow. 

Here are some questions that can get you talking about her experiences:

  • What was your last big adventure?
  • What’s your favorite travel story?
  • How did you end up in this city?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • How did it feel when you did that?
  • Now that you’re here, what do you think about this city?

2. Her Dreams

What are her biggest aspirations? What has she always wanted to do?

A woman’s dreams can tell you a lot about her, like her level of ambition and confidence as well as her passions and interests.

They also give you a chance to encourage her, get her to consider new possibilities, and create an “anything is possible” type of vibe in the conversation (which bodes well when you try to bring her home later on).

Here are some questions that can get you talking about her dreams:

  • What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?
  • What did you want to be when you were a kid?
  • What’s the biggest thing on your bucket list?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • So, what’s holding you back from doing it?
  • Why did you get into [what she does now] instead of [her dream]?
  • How would it feel to accomplish something like that?

3. Her Passions

What passions drive her? And do any of her passions intersect with your passions?

Passions are a highly emotional topic. Perhaps you both love to travel, dance, perform on stage, etc. When she talks about her passions, you have the chance to relate to her on a deeper level, as well as get insight into your compatibility with her.

For example, if a girl says “I’m passionate about watching movies” (yes, I’ve heard this one before), it’s a sign that she’s probably not too ambitious. But if she says “I’m passionate about yoga,” then you know you have a girl who actually cares about her body and is working to constantly improve it.

what to talk about on dates

She lives for this.

Here’s a simple question that can get you talking about her passions:

“What kinds of things are you most passionate about?”

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • What makes you so passionate about [her passion]?
  • How do you feel when you’re following that passion?

4. Her Hometown

Is she a small town girl with a chip on her shoulder, or was she raised in the fast-paced big city?

Her hometown will give you insight into what type of girl she is, as well as her experience level. If she just moved from a small town, it’s a sign that she’s probably a little more inexperienced and potentially open to new adventures. If she’s lived in a big city all her life, she’ll be more likely to test you and try to maintain control over the way things go.

Here are some questions that can get you talking about her hometown:

  • Where did you grow up?
  • What kind of city did you grow up in?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • What was it like to grow up there?
  • How does this city compare to your hometown?

5. Where She Wants to Travel

Just about every girl has some type of “dream” travel destination or trip that she hopes to experience one day. When she thinks of these dream travel destinations, she’s filled with all sorts of warm and fuzzy emotions, as well as a yearning for adventure.

Perhaps you share similar dream travel destinations, or perhaps you’ve already been to where she wants to go and you can tell her about it.

Either way, this topic gives you another opportunity to relate and connect with her.

Here are some questions that can get you talking about where she wants to travel:

  • Where have you always wanted to travel?
  • What are your favorite vacation spots?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • What makes you want to travel to that country/city?
  • What do you want to do there?

6. What She Loves to Do

Take a minute and think about some of the things you absolutely love to do…

Did you feel some of the emotions that come about when you’re doing those things?

When a girl tells you about what she loves to do, she’ll be flooded with positive emotions, and this will reflect positively on you. It can also provide you with future date ideas.

For example, if she loves to exercise, you can plan out a gym session together.

Here are some questions that can get you talking about what she loves to do:

  • What kinds of things do you love to do?
  • What kinds of activities do you most look forward to?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • What do you love about [what she loves to do]?
  • How do you feel when you’re doing it?

7. Her Career

Her career will give you insight into her character, ambitions, and personality. It’s a great way to learn more about her.

The key is to talk about the more emotional side of her career rather than the logical side (this can be easy to mess up). For example, you shouldn’t talk about the intricacies of tax season with an accountant – that will probably just depress her and bring the conversation down. 

Instead, you’re better off using the types of questions (and cold reads) below to dive deeper into this topic…

Here’s a simple question that can get you talking about her career:

  • What do you do for work?

You can also make a cold read and guess about what type of work she does. For example:

  • You seem like you do something creative…
  • You seem like a very charismatic person – do you do something in sales or marketing?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • How did you get into that?
  • What made you want to get into that industry?
  • Now that you’re doing it, how does it feel?

8. Her Motivations

Most men never dig deep enough and try to discover why a girl wants the things she wants. This goes beyond polite and platonic conversation and smashes through small talk.

As a result, it’s also a bit of a pattern interrupt. She may be used to giving autopilot responses when talking about things like her career, her goals, etc. So when you dive deeper and ask about her motivations, you break her out of autopilot and force her to give genuine responses.

Here are some simple questions that can get you talking about her motivations:

  • What made you want to come to this city?
  • What gets you excited to wake up in the morning?
  • Why did you choose your career?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • What makes you want to achieve that?
  • What excites you about that?

9. Her Friends

For some women, family is a sore subject. Perhaps they don’t have great relationships with their parents or siblings, or they had some sort of falling out. So bringing up family can cloud the conversation in negativity. It’s better to do that later on in future dates.

what to talk about on dates

Not something you want her thinking of on Date #1.

For the first date or so, it’s better to keep it light and talk about her friends when discussing people in her personal life.

Here are some simple questions that can get you talking about her friends:

  • Who do you usually hang out with in this city?
  • Who do you like to go out with?
  • Who are some of your best friends?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • How did you end up meeting your best friends?
  • What are your favorite things to do with your friends?

10. Where She Went to School

Did she go to a big party school, or did she spend her college days in a conservative religious school?

A girl’s college can tell you a lot about what type of girl she might be. It can also bring back fond memories and plenty of opportunities to relate with her. And on the off chance you happen to be alums from the same school in a faraway place, it can create instant trust that can lead to a quick hookup (this happened to me in Spain – after she and I discovered we went to the same US university, she ended up back in my bed within 20 minutes).

Here are some simple questions that can get you talking about where she went to school:

  • Where did you go to college?
  • What did you major in?

Then you can dive deeper and ask questions like:

  • What was it like to go to school there?
  • What made you choose to go there?


These topics are best to use toward the middle and end of the date. Although you may think they’re fairly common, most guys don’t use them the right way, and so they don’t harness their full power.

But used properly, these topics can help you push the date forward and provide an easy excuse to go home with her when it’s time to make your move. They’re also more fun and flirty, so you don’t need to dive as deeply as in the previous topics.

11. Her Pets 

If a woman has pets, odds are that she loves to talk about them. This topic is especially great if you have a pet as well.

You can joke about going back and meeting her pet, or about her going back and meeting yours. This is an easy excuse to get back to one of your houses/apartments when it’s time to make your move.

It also alerts you to the red flag of her having too many pets (or perhaps an Instagram account for her dog). If she’s a little too into her pets, it could be a sign that she’s a crazy girl you should stay away from.

Here are some fun ways that can get you talking about pets:

  • Do you have any pets?
  • You seem like a dog (or cat) person…
  • Briefly mention your pet (if you have one) in a story (e.g., “I was walking my dog the other day, and I saw…”)

12. Her Favorite Food/Cooking

Food is a fun topic. Everybody loves some kind of food. When she talks about food, you’ll find out whether you like the same kinds of food, and also whether or not she’s a vegetarian (that’s a deal-breaker for me – I don’t want to spend my life being limited by restaurants).

Plus, when you ask her about cooking, you effectively screen her. For me, it’s important that any girl I date at least knows her way around the kitchen and can cook a few good meals. If she says something like “I never learned, my mom always did all the cooking,” a little box gets crossed off in my head. I know that she’s probably not girlfriend material for me.

This question can also bridge the way into a second date where the two of you can cook dinner at your place or hers, or perhaps even leave the current date venue for a quick meal closer to your place.

Here are some fun ways that can get you talking about her favorite foods/cooking:

  • What’s your favorite kind of food?
  • What’s your favorite meal to cook?
  • What’s your favorite dessert?

13. A Hidden Talent/Something You Wouldn’t Guess About Her

Has she taken pole dancing lessons? Maybe she knows how to scuba dive or hula hoop for hours? Chances are, she probably has some type of hidden talent that you wouldn’t guess.

what to talk about on dates

The kind of hidden talent you won’t mind being exposed to.

This can be an especially great topic if you have your own hidden talent that she wouldn’t guess about you. Because she’ll inevitably ask you about your hidden talent after she tells you about hers.

For example, my hidden talent is rapping. I used to perform at my college, and I’ve made a few interesting music videos. I don’t exactly fit the rapper archetype, so women are always surprised and want me to prove it. To this I say “I’ll show you a music video later on,” implying that we’ll go to my place later, and she’ll see it then.

Here are some fun ways that can get you talking about her hidden talent or something you wouldn’t guess about her:

  • What’s your secret talent?
  • What’s something I wouldn’t guess about you?

14. Her Favorite Music

I make sure to talk about her favorite music on every first date.

It’s one of the easiest reasons to head back to your place (or hers). Women are also quite passionate about music, so it usually sparks an interesting conversation.

Let’s say her favorite music is reggaeton, and she mentions a specific artist you’ve never heard of, like J Balvin. You can say “Ah, I haven’t heard his music before. You’ll have to show me some of his stuff later on.”

Then, as the date progresses and it’s time to make a move, you can say “Let’s head back to my place and listen to some music. You can show me some of your favorite J Balvin songs.” If you’ve made a good connection with her at this point, this is usually all the reason she needs to head back to your place.

Here are some fun ways that can get you talking about her favorite music:

  • What’s your favorite music?
  • What kind of music do you love to dance to?

15. What She Finds Sexy in a Guy

Ever feel like you’ve taken a pit stop in a platonic conversation on a date and can’t seem to find your way out? Well, just ask “What do you find sexy in a guy” to make sure you escape the dreaded friend-zone.

It works well because it causes her to look at you through a more sexual lens. It unavoidably creates a sexual undertone in the conversation (which is important if you want to escalate things to a hookup later on).

She’ll usually ask you what you find sexy in a girl afterwards, and you can use this as an opportunity to get her to qualify herself, too.

Here’s how you can get her talking about what she finds sexy in guy:

“Now that we’ve talked about all the ‘normal stuff,’ let’s make things exciting. What do you find sexiest in a guy?”

16. Dancing

This is similar to the music topic in that it gives you a great reason to head back to your place (and obviously, music is connected with dancing).

For example, if you find out that she knows how to salsa dance, you can say “You’ll have to show me some of your moves later.”

Then, when it comes time to bring her home, you can say “Let’s head back to my spot and listen to music. Maybe you can teach me a salsa move or two.”

For example:

Her: Yeah, I love to dance!

You: Ah, so you have some good rhythm then…

Her: Of course!

You: [With a sly smile] That’s good, rhythm is important in a lot of things [slight pause]… especially dancing.

Here you insinuate that rhythm is important for sex – it’s a slight sexual innuendo. The key here is in the implication. You imply that it’s important for sex without actually bluntly saying “Yeah, rhythm is important for sex.” This adds some intrigue and fun.

Here are some good ways to get talking about dancing:

  • Do you like to dance?
  • Do you have rhythm?
  • What’s your favorite kind of dance style?
  • Do you know how to dance salsa/bachata?

17. Adventure

This topic helps get her in an adventurous state of mind. It can also get her to qualify herself as being adventurous, which can lead her to do more adventurous things on the date, like go home with you (she’ll want to stay consistent with the picture she’s painted of herself).

Here are some fun ways that can get you talking about adventure:

  • You seem like an adventurous person…
  • What was your last big adventure?
  • Do you like adventure?


These are simple topics that allow you to make your move and either bring her home or plan out a second date. They tell you her logistics, which provides you with a timeframe of how fast you need to move with her.

They’re good to bring up at just about any time throughout the date, especially once you decide you might want to take her home.

18. What She’s up to Later On (and Tomorrow)

A lot of guys assume a girl’s logistics, and it gets them into trouble. For example, they assume she’ll be free for the entire night or that she doesn’t have to wake up early in the morning.

Then, when they try to move things forward, they’re thwarted by her time limits. Had they known her logistics, they could’ve tried to move things forward more quickly. The better approach is to figure out what she’s up to later on (and the next day), so you know for sure what her logistics are.

For example, if you meet up with her at 8pm and you know she has to work at 7am the next day, you’ll know you should probably get one drink and try to bring her home. That way you’re less likely to get blocked by the “I can’t… I have to wake up early” excuse.

what to talk about on dates

You can’t keep her out late if she’s got this in her future.

To broach this topic, you can simply ask questions like:

  • What are you up to later on tonight?
  • Do you work tomorrow? (This is a good one to ask when you’re talking about her career)

19. What She’s up to This Week

In most cases, you should aim to bring a girl home on the first date. However, sometimes it doesn’t logistically work. In those cases, you should shift your focus to planning out the next date.

That’s the goal of this topic: to set a time and place for the next date. That way you won’t have to exchange text after text trying to figure it out.

For example:

You: Are you doing anything on Monday or Wednesday night?

Her: I work late on Mondays, but I don’t think I’m doing anything on Wednesday. Why?

You: Cool. Let’s cook some dinner at my spot on Wednesday night.

Her: Okay, that should work!

Then, when you’re leaving the date, you can say “Alright, I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

With this approach, she’s much less likely to flake on the date, and you can just send a simple text to confirm things.

To broach this topic, you can simply ask questions like:

  • What are you up to this week?
  • What days are you usually free during the week?

20. The Move

The move is the moment when you offer to bring her home or go back to your place (if you’re having drinks with her at a bar, this is usually toward the end of the first or second drink). Here, you can bring up topics you talked about throughout the date and use them as reasons to leave the venue with her.

I’ve already hit on a few ways you can do this throughout this article, but I’ll lay them out here again (along with some new ways).

Here are some things you can say to help move the date back to your place or hers:

  • Let’s head back to my spot and listen to music. Maybe you can teach me a salsa move or two
  • Let’s have the next drink at my spot, and I’ll show you that X video (music video, snowboarding video, etc.)
  • Let’s head back to my place and listen to some music. You can show me some of your favorite J Balvin songs
  • I live down the street – let’s have the next drink on my rooftop and we can check out the view of the city


So, what does a good conversation topic accomplish? At least one of these three things:

  1. Helps you connect with her
  2. Pushes the date forward
  3. Handles the logistics

And these are the conversation topics that fit into each of these three categories…

Connecting with her:

  1. Her experiences
  2. Her dreams
  3. Her passions
  4. Her hometown
  5. Where she wants to travel
  6. What she loves to do
  7. Her career
  8. Her motivations
  9. Her friends
  10. Her school

Pushing the date forward:

  1. Her pets
  2. Her favorite food/cooking
  3. A hidden talent/something you wouldn’t guess about her
  4. Her favorite music
  5. What she finds sexy in a guy
  6. Dancing
  7. Adventure

Handling the logistics:

  1. What she’s up to later on/tomorrow
  2. What she’s up to this week
  3. The move

After reading this, you should be fully prepared to have good, flirty, and fun conversations on your dates with girls, as well as more easily leading them back to your place (or hers).

Now it’s time to put these topics into practice on your next date.

Until next time…

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